My heart hurt! I was filled with dread and anxiety and felt this panic to text McKenna to encourage her while choosing to end the conversation with Sam. I got one word answers from McKenna all day when I would reach out and ask her if she was okay. She returned home 12 hours later and I practically jumped on her to hug her and ask if she was okay.

Such thought provoking questions! And if you really think about it, these questions highlight our individual preferences, dreams, and thresholds for pain AND pleasure! So it got me thinking, isn’t all of life just one big game of Would You Rather? Hear me out. Would you rather take the trash out to the curb for pick up or ignore the trash and continue to click “next episode” on Netflix? Would you rather clean the kitchen tonight or do it in the morning? Would you rather help your child study for the big test or trust that they will have the self-control to do it themselves? And I may lose some readers at this one. Would you rather change your eating habits and lifestyle or have the chance for lifelong diseases, health issues and decreased quality of life? See, we all have choices. It’s when we don’t think about those options and just assume that this is the way life is, or worse, this is the way I am, that we feel stuck and powerless to change.

Alicia and I had tried to hang this towel rack up for like an hour and kept running into problems. And we were both a little too stubborn and prideful to ask Sam for help. At the end of the project, it didn’t really look the way either of us envisioned it but we decided to just leave it and move on (i.e. no more holes in the wall!) I was putting all the tools away and I picked up Sam’s huge organizer that had hundreds of screws, nails, anchors, etc. It wasn’t actually shut when I picked it up and those hundreds and hundreds of pieces went all over the floor of the room. I sat down on the floor exasperated that nothing seemed to be working.

Around September, when I realized that this pandemic wasn’t going away after Easter, then summer, then back to school, I started praying about this steep decline in my drinking. With no condemnation (Romans 8:1), God said, “ You have used this as a crutch for awhile and there’s forgiveness in that. But there will come a time when it will stop working for you. I’ll help you to freedom when you get to that time.”

“We are going to have a conversation! Watch!” Raegan said excitedly! Then they proceeded to sign back and forth, asking questions and answering them in ASL (American Sign Language). I saw McKenna’s teacher’s pride as she watched Raegan signing everything that she had just learned in a matter of 30 minutes. And at that very moment, God began to speak to me a lesson that I will never forget!

There is a cancer in humans that spreads and grows until it has killed your identity, your future, your dreams, and your character. That cancer is called comparison. Yes, on the surface it looks innocent. Comparison can sound like “If only I could just…” or “I wish I had…” or “Look at how she can…” It can masquerade as wishing, but can quickly turn deadly if left unchecked.

Anyone around Sam can quickly see his drive, passion, perseverance, and determination to accomplish difficult things. In fact, a phrase that Sam says to our kids all of the time is “Wards do hard things!” We don’t aways like to hear it, but if you are a Ward in our household, then Sam will push you to become your best and accomplish amazing things as well.

In typical TWO behavior, Erin wants her efforts to be valued and appreciated and so she draws to the conclusion that Andy is going to fire her because of the way she decorated for the party (on top of all the other efforts to help that never quite add up.) So she assumes that she needs to go over-the-top edgy to be liked again by Andy. And no one does over-the-top edgy quite like awkward and quirky Gabe. Erin ends up showing one of Gabe’s videos that has everyone disgusted and creeped out in seconds. Everyone is lashing out at Erin and she says, “I’m sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult…”

Heather said, “When I sat with the director to review the performance evaluation she also stated that the site managers did not know the work that I had done with their teachers. And it occurred to me again that feeling that I would bother someone if I randomly stopped by their office to talk or ask a question was a detrimentally limiting belief. It was an eye-opening experience and I’m now much more aware of who I am and try to do the things that are uncomfortable for me.”

Now to find the perfect Psalms to illustrate what I’m talking about. My mind, of course, goes blank. Alright, Holy Spirit. Help me out again. I quickly find Psalms and just look at the first scripture that opens up. Psalms 102. Not ringing any bells of recollection and I try to do a little scan before deciding to just start reading.

How can these graves be turned into gardens? How can becoming self-aware of the tendencies of the shame cycle promote healing? Dr. Thompson says that self-knowledge can lead to self-compassion. And self-compassion, such as telling yourself “I know and admit my own shame cycle and I’m going to be kind to myself,” can lead to a better relationship with shame.

Caleb has always been an amazing big brother! He became a big brother almost at age 3 and has loved and devoted himself to his sisters since their births. I remember a time that Hailey was about nine-months old. She was the adventurous one. Always crawling around and getting into things that she shouldn’t. This particular day, she had crawled up onto the couch and was about to be on the top of the couch. This worried her big brother, who ran across the house yelling, “No, Hailey [which was pronounced Hayye]! You will fall from there!” But in the process of running to her, Caleb trips over something on the living room floor and falls down.

She was never excited about school unless it was a special day where the students could wear pajamas or a costume. In fact, with all this virtual learning, she was never excited to wake up early to get on her class Zoom call unless it was a themed day (sorry Mrs. Salik). If it was a themed day, then she would have her outfit all planned and laid out the night before.

Growing up, McKenna always had a song to sing, or a play to act out for her captive audience. I can sing several of her hilarious, self-written little jingles, including one that she shared with us when she was just 3 1/2 called “I don’t like bugs in my house” which I sing every time I am trying to swat flies.

Darlene had a perspective that her boss had given her a task and she wanted to do it well which meant taking the time to research and come up with the right solution. Her boss wanted his idea carried out quickly because his brain was going a mile a minute. What looked like her taking a break on the side of the road like the tortoise while he rushed along like the hare, was actually not her motivation at all.