Confessions of an EIGHT: Work Hard to Play Hard
It has been a hot minute since I’ve written a blog. Life has been busy getting two kids off to college and two other kids ready for whatever we are calling school this year! However, I think it’s time to write about EIGHTS: The Challenger!
This type has always perplexed me! On one hand, I admire a person who can be in charge and speak their mind. But on the other hand, I can see the destruction they can leave behind without giving it a second thought! I think we can all think of a challenger who is not self-aware of the damage they are causing (*disclaimer-ALL types that are not self-aware can cause damage. Some just destroy louder than other types!) I would like to discuss healthy traits of an EIGHT and ways to be in a relationship with EIGHTS that are colleagues or friends.
Sam and I after he received his PhD from UT December, 2013
I have mentioned it before, but to those new to my blogs, my husband, Sam, is an EIGHT. I have watched Sam push through huge mountains to get amazing things done in his life. In fact, people are always very shocked when either of us mentions that we had a baby at age 19, married at age 20, and he completed his Bachelors, Masters, and PhD degrees in Electrical Engineering at The University of Texas all the while supporting a family of six, and all by the age of 33! Anyone around Sam can quickly see his drive, passion, perseverance, and determination to accomplish difficult things. In fact, a phrase that Sam says to our kids all of the time is “Wards do hard things!” We don’t aways like to hear it, but if you are a Ward in our household, then Sam will push you to become your best and accomplish amazing things as well. I believe it was the only way I could go through getting my own Bachelor’s degree in accounting at UT while having four young kids was because Sam pushed me and believed that I could graduate. And I am so grateful for that gift of someone believing in me!
I shutter to think that I tried to talk him out of achieving his dream. I had no idea that someone could have that kind of passion and drive and was very selfish when we were first married. Back in 1998, Sam and I met working at a local BBQ restaurant that also offered catering. Around 2001, Sam had finished his first semester at UT with a young wife and one year old at home. I remember exactly where we were sitting when I begged him to quit college and take the catering job that was offered to him. I’m sure it was for minimum wage (PLUS tips). I couldn’t see past the present circumstances of no money, long school hours, and myself at home with a baby all day. But Sam could see far in the future! I am so grateful that he chose not to listen to his begging, short-sighted wife and continued to push towards his dreams.
Sam captaining our boat. Next up is sailing lessons! With Sam, there is never a shortage of ideas to learn and try new things. And he’s always looking forward to a bright future.
He always says that he works hard so he can play hard! EIGHTS, especially ones with a SEVEN wing, give 100% to work and an equal 100% to playing, if that’s even possible. Equal to THREES, they have one of the highest amounts of energy out of all the types. Sam always casts the vision for his kids that we are afforded the luxuries of a beautiful house, higher education, vacations, and our boat, our prized possession, because he works hard and works smart. EIGHTS have a drive that is non-stop (and right about here I will insert the song “Non-Stop” from Hamilton, which I always think of my hubby when I hear it).
These lyrics sum up Sam to a tee.
Even though we started at the very same time
Alexander Hamilton began to climb
How to account for his rise to the top?
Man, the man is
Non-stopWhy do you write like you're running out of time?
Write day and night like you're running out of time?
Everyday day you fight, like you're running out of timeWhy do you always say what you believe? (Hey)
Every proclamation guarantees free ammunition for your enemies (aww)
EIGHTS work, fight and say what they believe however, one is very fortunate if Sam is on your side and you get to ride in his wake!
Our kids realize now what an advocate they have in their dad. If you mentioned that you are interested in something-soccer, volleyball, writing, the trapeze, you name it-then Sam will SPARE NO EXPENSE and spare no amount of push and encouragement for them to succeed! When Raegan even barely mentioned that she may want to play soccer, by the next day he had ordered a net, ball, shin guards, practice equipment, everything it would take to be successful at soccer except for her own ability and drive to succeed. Caleb, my 20 year old, who is a fellow TWO, had an amazing insight about Sam’s passion. After spending some time researching about the enneagram and the types of each of us, he remarked “Growing up, I always thought that dad just wanted me to do whatever HE wanted me to do. I thought that he would only support me if it was a sport. But now I realize that he really did want me to find MY passion and go after it with everything I have! I realize that he will give anything he has to help me be successful! I wish I would have realized that sooner.”
I think that is a beautiful insight to an EIGHT’s heart. Any drive or passion that is directed at us is out of a strong desire for the ones that Sam loves to succeed at whatever our individual passion is. Caleb has a strong desire to be a fiction writer. Since he mentioned that to his dad, you better believe that he will spare no expense to make that dream a reality, whether or not that is Sam’s passion.
Here are things to avoid and to pursue with an EIGHT (and you will save years of conflict and heartache if you can remember these!)
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, be wishy-washy with an EIGHT! If you don’t want to do something, then tell them you don’t want to do it! You will not hurt their feelings. They value honesty and a sure answer over placating their feelings.
Do not say you are going to do something and then not follow through with it. They would rather you tell them “no, I can’t do it” then say you can and not follow through.
Give them all the information that you know, but also state if you don’t know something. They are big-picture thinkers, thinking a mile a second and are always looking in the future. If you are not honest and tell them all the information then they can’t make a valuable decision and you will probably be the one to suffer.
EIGHTS will often do what they want if no one else has a vision. They are called the Challengers for that very reason. They challenge the status quo, things that don’t logically make sense, are inefficient, and are done just because they have been that way for thousands of years. So if you can’t give them a valuable reason and can’t cast your own vision, then they usually shake things up and will push their own vision through. And they will do this whether people are with them or not.
They can be very blunt, which often hurts the feeling of types that usually make decisions based on feeling (uh, hum…TWOS!) But if you push back and are very direct with them, then they can respect that and usually back down. We drove Hailey to college the other day and Sam said he wanted to ride with me instead of her. I usually would make sure that I let him listen to whatever he wanted in order to make him happy, but instead I said, “You can ride with me, but I have a playlist and two podcasts I want to listen to.” I was pleasantly surprised when he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “okay” instead of arguing with me or pushing for his own agenda.
Life is a passionate adventure! We just celebrated 20 years of marriage!
Knowing all this about EIGHTS has given me a greater love and appreciation for these driven individuals. I can’t relate to their 200% ability to work hard and play hard, but I respect it and value that I have one in my life. Hang around Sam for any length of time and he will generously give whatever he has, will pull out your own strengths and encourage you find and go after your own passion.
It took 20 years of misunderstanding Sam before I could finally see and value the immense amount of knowledge, wisdom, passion, strength and energy that Sam always carries. I love this man and am happy to ride this adventure of life with him! He is never short of ideas, ideals, beliefs, energy and determination and freely gives it to whomever will listen and run along side him!